For everyone who has ever stayed in a relationship after the love was gone…
Sometimes I just feel a strong urge to talk about things even though it is an uncomfortable subject matter for me personally, I feel the need to talk about it because it may help even just one person, and if so then I’ll be uncomfortable all day long.
Before you read further you should know this writing is based on this writers own personal experiences and not an expert opinion.
It isn’t love if… (please feel free to replace he with she if the case may be so)
he pushes you away just to pull you close
he makes you cry so he can wipe your nose
he leaves marks on you that he calls his own
plays on your fears under guise of protection
demands that your body be pure perfection
he takes you away from those who give you affection
It isn’t love if…
promises are made under false pretense
sorry becomes a word of reluctance
voices are raised during daily conversation
each day brings added frustration
emotions brings physical ills
you start to turns to alcohol and pills
the thought of the blade
brings more relief than his touch
I’m telling you now, this isn’t love
When I started this post I had no intention of writing any of it in poem, but that kind of just happens with me. Plus I read a few things the last two days that just prompted me to get this out sooner rather than later. Having stayed in shitty relationships too long myself and watching people I love to the same it just breaks my heart when I know people are doing it when they don’t have to. Sometimes I worry that they may not know that abuse can hide as love.
I didn’t, I didn’t at all. I remember standing in the back of the church and looking down the aisle at my soon to be husband (now ex) who was pretty intoxicated and looking at the best man rather than me, (that’s not how it should be) and I was thinking “OMG, I don’t want to do this”, but my maid of honor looked at me like, bitch I’m going to come get you if you don’t start walking. And real life is not a movie, so I walked, and I learned. I learned a whole lot about what love isn’t.
It should not have taken me that long to “learn”, all the signs were there long before the walk down the aisle. I have a little scar on my chin because “don’t you walk away from me when I’m talking to you”, hello, that’s not love. He used to leave such painful hickeys on my neck (he literally held me down to do this) so that all the boys knew I was taken. Not love, ownership. I used to be rather fearful when I was younger, and he would use these fears to make me upset so that I would cry, he would scare me on purpose, and then when I’d cry, scream, freak out, he’d pull me close and tell me it was all alright and he’d take care of me. That is not love, that is manipulation. I could go on, but you get the general idea.
He did have a partner in crime really. I am sad and sorry to say that my Mother had me convinced that he was the only boy who would / could ever love me, so I felt that I had to not only love him back, but I had sure as hell better be happy to have his love. I am happy to report that my mother (God Love Her) yawned through the wedding, and passed out at the reception. It was the perfect night indeed. But enough about that.
My point is, do not be fooled by those trying to pass off false love!!!! YOU are worth so much more!! YOU are worth real love, I promise.