Thoughts of him

I cannot move past these thoughts of him

the few and rare moments we’ve had together

his eyes, his lips, his touch

his voice, I love so much

I cannot move on

to the day at hand

the routine, the mundane

I lose touch with common things

as my mind retreats

as I’m lost

in recalling memories

and I smile

at every

thought of him

 

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A Love Story ~ The Waiting

I’ll wait for you, she says; as he boards another plane, takes another trip, goes for another ride, lays his head down for the night.  I’ll wait for you, she reminds him.  She smiles as she does.  She used to hate to wait, but she does so out of love.

He is a mover, always on the go.  She admittedly moves much more slow.  He is gone now, away again.  Another trip, someplace beautiful.  She is waiting, waking, working, writing, sleeping, breathing, and waiting some more.  She sits for hours sometimes, waiting for a bleep of the phone.

How long she’ll wait, she cannot say.  She may wait forever, or she may wait one more day.  Either way, and however it may go, she will wait as long as her heart tells her so. Right now she is waiting, for a kiss goodnight.  She is waiting for a “let’s snuggle in tight”.   She is waiting for dreams to carry her away, so she can start the waiting over again, tomorrow day.

 

Stolen Moments

Your kiss still lingers

as if it were brand new

My lips still tingle

when I think of you

My  body remembers

the feel of you against me

Stolen moments fading

between dreams and reality

Close tight my eyes

time and space erased

Holding my breath

I’m back in your embrace

Pixie Dust

dear Peter

I miss the magic

I let it slip away

I grew up

while you continued to play

I miss the magic

I just let it go

the age on my face

yes, it’s starting to show

I miss the magic

between us

you’ll be forever Peter Pan

while I’m still searching for Pixie Dust

Did You?

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Did you miss me

while I was crawling through hell

having dinner with the devil himself

selling my body

just to feel alive

Did you miss me

on my fucking dive

on my fall

my decline

my decent

did you give a shit

about where I had went

Did you miss me

did you

give one little fuck

It doesn’t matter

I’m back now

suck it up

Look For Me

Look for me later
he reminds me
I’m already looking
and always will be

I look for his eyes
on every face
my heart is broken
when others can’t duplicate

I look for him
among the crowds
although my voice is silent
my soul screams his name out loud

I look for him
as I stare off into thin air
I know he is out there
somewhere

Look for me…
I’m looking Baby
I always am
and always
will be

The Greatest Gift

Recently I had the honor of watching my dearest friend pass away.

I realize that most would not consider this an honor but rather morbid and awful.  Yet, as often as I have re-played her last words, last breath, and last moments in my mind, I am grateful that I was lucky enough to be with her during those moments.  I don’t think I could accept her death had I not been a witness.

You see, she had been ill for some time, one day short of a month to be exact, but was on the upswing.  She was going to be released from the hospital in a few days, either into a rehab center or home (where I would stay with her), having home healthcare coming in for rehabilitation.  We had spent most of the day discussing plans for her release from “captivity”, right down to the first meal she wanted when she came home.  This might not sound so exciting from a reading standpoint, but just three weeks prior she had been in a coma, and two weeks prior she still could not breathe on her own, so sitting here talking about getting out was a huge deal.

For myself, I was exhausted.  I had spent everyday for the last 29 days going between work and the hospital.  This day was a good day filled with good news and I expected to finally be able to sleep the entire night through.  I was wrong.  Ruth’s heart unexpectedly failed that evening, just as I was preparing to leave for the night.  She had made it quite clear that she did not want to be put back on life support should it come to that again.  So here, in front of me I witnessed a DNR request honored as my dearest friend’s heart stopped for the fourth time in a less than a month.  This time the line on the monitor did not go back up, this time it stayed flat.  This time the “crash cart” left the room as the team called time of death.  This time was the last time.

I sat on the cold floor of the hospital hallway.  Ruth’s favorite nurse came and gave me a hug (his shift was just ending when she coded and he ran into her room), he asked how I was, I said “pissed right the fuck off” and he told me that was o.k., and then I cried, he hugged me harder and asked if there was anything he could do, “no, not anymore, thank you”.  So many others came and hugged me and asked me the same.  Then the hospital clergy came over and talked with me “here are parking passes, how many will you need?  How many will be coming?”, holy shit I thought, I need to call people and tell them!!!

I felt bad and sad for those people who I had to notify.  My grief quickly pushed aside as I took to the business at hand and I became the consoler and comforter.  This is when I truly realized what an honor it was for me to be a witness to her passing.  I got the last moments with her, I have the very last memory of her, it is mine, and I am so blessed and honored to carry that gift.

 

**Ruth passed away Sept 26, 2015.  She was my closest & dearest friend.  I am still struggling with her death on many levels, and intend to miss her every day.  My writing here on WP has taken a blow during her illness, hospital stay and untimely passing, I have lost my spark and social flair, I don’t know if either of those will ever recover, but I hope so as I miss you all so much.

Much Love,

BB

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miss You (he says)

Miss You,
he says

Yet I question that truth

He should know by now
that is what
I do

I question it all
his words
and what lies behind

I question
his motives,
his tricks of the mind

Miss You,
he says

With a hug and a kiss
but, I wonder, exactly
what it is
he truly
does miss

Away

There is away

and then there is

away from me

Right now he is away

from me

I find I am missing a part of me

Don’t get me wrong,

I am still functioning

beautifully

But I’m missing the part

that makes me,

more me

I am missing him,

Us and We

There is away

then

there is away from me

That is the saddest place

he can ever be

Ain’t No Sunshine

She wonders if it will rain some more

then the sky opens up as it starts to pour

no sunshine again today

her disposition remains a cloudy grey

outlined of course with a bleeding blue

of a slightly darker hue

No sunshine again today

that is what the weatherman had to say

she shoots the television an evil glare

she is mad as hell

and she doesn’t care

Ain’t no sunshine

coming through

just these lingering clouds

and me with the blues

Ain’t no sunshine

when he’s away

just another

rainy, cloudy day

This Dream

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He comes to me when I am sleeping

Whispers in rhythm with my breathing

Sweet nothings raspy along my neck

His hands work magic on my breasts

I beg this is real, not simply a dream

Gasp and moan as he licks my cream

Shudder and shake as passion climbs

Holding this dream, keep shut my eyes

Hey Y’all

I am missing everybody so much!!!!

I have been away doing my second (ok! ok! maybe my third) favorite thing.  Working.  I am running two offices and still studying to take my state exam!

The good news is I excel best when under pressure (as long as I am in control) so I am currently at top performance level.

The bad news is that I have little time to play, which includes writing and socializing here on WP.  I miss socializing with my WP family the most!!

I hope to have the office situation under better control within a few weeks.  As soon as I do I will be back here every morning, reading and socializing.  I hope to be back writing very soon as well.  Currently my creativity has been pushed aside and filled with meetings, marketing, healthcare, spreadsheets, outreach, and expansion.

Please wait for me, XO

BB

The Longing

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It is a beautiful day

the sun is shining brightly

He is sitting here next to me

not in reality

this is my fantasy

Why is the distance

so distance like

when I want a taste of him

just a little bite

Today the longing

is multiplied by one hundred and three

because I want him so badly

Today the flame is burning

a little hotter than

it probably should

Today my imagination

isn’t doing me

any good

I want him so much

it hurts

and I’d erase

distance and time

if I could

Just My Imagination – Let’s Try Again ;)

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It is a beautiful morning

as the sun shines through the window

unto my back as I apply my makeup

I smile

as he comes up behind me

and slides my sheer robe

gently from shoulders

kissing the nape of my neck

cupping my breasts

anticipation vibrates through my body

I close my eyes

to breathe him in

lean back into him…

fall back unto my bed as my imagination kicks in

run my hands over myself

feel the momentum mount

damn I miss his touch

wanting, needing so much

fingers between my legs

moans on my lips begs

shuddering waves of climax

my imagination and I relax

My Jealously Gets The Best Of Me

I am jealous of the red pen you use to write

I’m jealous of the pillow you dream on at night

I get jealous of the seat that warms your buns

Even jealous of the moon and the sun

The shower water that washes over your skin

Darling that is just where I begin

Morning coffee as it hits your lips

The cold crisp air giving you a kiss

Your sheets rubbing against your legs

The razor that gives your neck a shave

The breeze blowing gently through your hair

Pool water touching you everywhere

The mirror looking deep into your eyes

And I am even jealous of the night

The hours that take you away from me

When you dream when you sleep

Your phone that sees your smiling face

Your steering wheel that gets your hand’s embrace

I’m just a silly romantic girl

Jealous of the little things in your world

Just My Imagination

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It is a beautiful morning

as the sun shines through the window

unto my back as I apply my makeup

I smile

as he comes up behind me

and slides my sheer robe

gently from shoulders

kissing the nape of my neck

cupping my breasts

anticipation vibrates through my body

I close my eyes

to breathe him in

lean back into him…

and almost fall on my ass because it’s just my imagination again

With open arms and open legs

My baby is working so hard again today…but I’ll be waiting for him…

With open arms
and open legs
I’ll be waiting
until the end of the day
get your work done
and then we’ll play
I’ll be waiting
with open arms
and open legs