Mind Fuck

I could fuck with your mind
another hundred times

but I’m bored
with this nonsense
and these games

I’m bored
with all of this
same
old same

I’m bored with this
I am bored with that

I could fuck with your mind
your body, your soul

Oh, I could
but I know

I’d still be empty
I’d
still have needs

I could taunt all day
flirt and tease
I could weave my words
to tantalize, to please

I could if I wanted
but I save my energy

for it’s days like today
that my own mind
fucks with me

Advertisements

In a Galaxy far, far away

Weekends Suck!

He and I are in two different galaxies

I’m going to punch the next person who says

TGIF to me

They don’t know

they don’t understand the pain it brings

how lonely Saturday and Sunday can be

how I long for Monday morning alarm clock rings

The sun is shinning and it’s 70 degrees

but my mind is in a far, far away galaxy

Hibernation

My season of inactivity has left me restless rather than restful.

My mind is overwhelmed with more questions than I can answer.

My body is left sore from the lack of proper exercise.

My veins and heart have filled with concrete and it is difficult to move.

Each step and breath is labored.

I have spent too much time in hospitals, though not for myself; I lack medical attention.

The wonders of modern medicine no longer work for me, I seek organic remedies.

I search for myself within the written word, both my own and others.  I remain lost.

My lovers are my characters I’ve created within my mind.

In reality I just push everyone further and further away.

I hate being lonely, yet adore being alone.

My six month hibernation has reinforced my freedom to choose, so I go it alone.

I crave the spring, to crawl out of my cave, yet this hibernation is hard to shake.

 

*August 19, 2015 was the last real happy day that I can recall.  After that day everything went to shit.  I am trying to find my way back, past all the kicks in the head.  Thank You to everyone who has stuck around.  Special thanks to those to have sent messages to check on me.  Extra special thanks to the one who never lets go no matter how hard I push back.  I love you!  XO

 

 

 

 

 

While My Mind Contemplates

It was cold as fuck
sitting in that room
every face
a look of doom

No cell phone
no electronic device
not a word uttered
actually
that, was quit nice

Thoughts a plenty
running through my mind
a sly little smile
emerges
from time to time

Jotting words down
in my trusty notebook
across the table
just dopey sad looks

Hurry up
sit and wait
sit and wait
while my mind
contemplates

Reality

I took a ride to a fantasy
but what I found was my reality
it’s funny how things seem to change
yet, how they really stay the same
how I thought I needed to be saved
somehow set free
How I revert back to fairy tale
and fantasy
when the truth of reality
becomes too much for me
How when I step back
and take another look
reality is in fact what will be
my saving grace
When confronted by the truth
right in front of my face
I find that those few who step from the shadows
to lend an honest hand
listen, pray, believe
and meet me where I am
those who have supported
and lifted me
have shared their hearts
open and honestly
those who have given me
their true reality
those are the ones
I need standing next to me
Yes,
when I step back and take another look
I set down my
fairy tale book
I embrace the truth in real time
I have come to realize
My reality suits me quite fine

Saturday Morning

1521304_648547568566624_8562151481418637501_n

Saturday morning
with my cup of Joe
I need it to
get up and go

The office is quiet
I like it like that
I sit and think
without the attack

The people from morning yoga
are now leaving class
all in tight pants
looking young and full of sass

And I with my coffee
still not ready to begin
this pile of paperwork
so I sip and listen

To my music
to my favorite tunes
I enjoy this peace
knowing it will all end soon

With the ringing of the phone
with the want and the need
so I sit very still
and enjoy my moment of peace

Me, in real time

Me

in real-time

a very simple rhyme

Saturday night

with coffee and classwork

feeling like a stupid jerk

Writing

when my mind drifts away

when I get bored

at what my teacher has to say

Messaging

back and forth with him

he makes me smile

he makes me grin

Waiting

for the hour to “fall back”

tomorrow my whole day

will be off track

Oh my,

do I smell fresh-baked bread

Mmmmm,

I think it’s in my head.