December’s Cruelty

December has claimed
yet another casualty
I drop quickly
to my callused knees
praying for release from
this cruelty

I turn
of course
to my beloved
poetry
a safe comfort
envelopes me

Alone,
yet surrounded
by common
sympathies

Here in This Place
Pain
is the preferred currency
Here in This Place
I find Peace

thus calming

December’s cruelty

 

 

 

Thoughts of him

I cannot move past these thoughts of him

the few and rare moments we’ve had together

his eyes, his lips, his touch

his voice, I love so much

I cannot move on

to the day at hand

the routine, the mundane

I lose touch with common things

as my mind retreats

as I’m lost

in recalling memories

and I smile

at every

thought of him

 

That body they pulled from the river

That body they pulled from the river

was once full of smiles and mischief

dancing, laughing and full of life

 

That body they pulled from the river

was so young

How did she get there?

She doesn’t belong in the river, in the city…

That body they pulled from the river

is someone’s best friend

someone’s auntie

someone’s niece

someone’s neighbor

someone’s classmate

someone everyone knows…

 

A missing person

A body pulled from the river

A news story

A memory

 

She Hates Him

She hates him

The way a dog hates table scraps

The way a cat hates belly rubs

She hates him

She hates his every “good morning”, and his every “goodnight”
She hates the way he questions why good morning is two words and goodnight is one word

She hates how he asks about her day, every single day
How he wants to know something, good, exciting, bad or even sad – how he just wants to know

She hates the way he bosses her – telling her to be careful and safe driving home

She hates that he knows her moods without her saying a word (she hates that the most)

She hates him, like she hates to dream and fly

She hate him, but she never wants to say goodbye

Tick – Tock

the seconds, minutes, hours
turning to days
as the clock continues
to tick away

another week, month
another year
in the mirror
another wrinkle appears

applying make-up
that feels more like spackle
why do I bother
does it even matter

take a deep breath in……
then breathe out
relax for one second – then
continue about

your petty little life
in this great big world
does any of it matter
do you think any of it could

the clock just ticks away
time just marches on
you breathe in
breathe out
you’re dead and gone

A Love Story ~ The Waiting

I’ll wait for you, she says; as he boards another plane, takes another trip, goes for another ride, lays his head down for the night.  I’ll wait for you, she reminds him.  She smiles as she does.  She used to hate to wait, but she does so out of love.

He is a mover, always on the go.  She admittedly moves much more slow.  He is gone now, away again.  Another trip, someplace beautiful.  She is waiting, waking, working, writing, sleeping, breathing, and waiting some more.  She sits for hours sometimes, waiting for a bleep of the phone.

How long she’ll wait, she cannot say.  She may wait forever, or she may wait one more day.  Either way, and however it may go, she will wait as long as her heart tells her so. Right now she is waiting, for a kiss goodnight.  She is waiting for a “let’s snuggle in tight”.   She is waiting for dreams to carry her away, so she can start the waiting over again, tomorrow day.

 

She Got the House

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She got the house
though she didn’t want it
the tall grass
and the leaky facets

She got the house
the mortgage that came with it
the peeling paint
and everything that needed fixing

She got the house
with all the memories inside
holding her prisoner
to a past tense life

She got the house
and those precious mouths to feed
He walked away
clear and free

She got the house
they told her she’d won
but to have her family whole
she’d burn it to the ground

Conversing with The Night

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Well Hello Darling
she said,
in a voice she used just for him
It’s been a while,
I’m not sure exactly where to begin

The beginning,
he reminded her
seems the logical place to start
Annoyed with him, as usual
she told him to shut his mouth

I will do the talking
you may listen,
if you must
I’ll expect no comments
no cheering
nor other ludicrous stuff

And so it went
He sat in silence subdued
as she babbled on relentlessly
until the silence claimed
her too

All at once exhausted
she slept in humble repose
He covered her with warmth
then slipped away
within the shadows

He’ll be back tomorrow
and the very next tomorrow to come
He’ll be back
every tomorrow
between the setting
and rising of the sun

Today, is a Good Day

One day you once again feel the wind blowing through your hair

One day you find yourself listening to the old songs without crying

One day you catch yourself dancing, smile, and then happily dance some more

One day an old “friend” messages and your heart doesn’t flip or flutter
you exchange honest pleasantries and go on with your day

One day you wake up fully rested, from a good night’s sleep

One day you decide being angry is a waste of your energy
you let the little things roll off your back, and you give attention to the big things

One day you realize YOU get to decide the little things versus the big things

One day you, when you have exhausted every other avenue, come to the conclusion to live while you are still alive

One day you take control of your life

One day, you will once again say, “Today is a good day”

Clouded Memories & Goodbyes

he said, I miss you

admittedly she missed him too

but she wasn’t willing to open old wounds

he asked how’s she’s been

she wanted to break down and tell him

instead she cut the conversation short

after this long she felt no need to report

how the days turned to weeks, months, then years

how she’d cried until there were no more tears

she felt it best to leave the past where it lie

in clouded memories and goodbyes

Silent Reflection

It hit on the drive home
quite unexpectedly
The enormity of the world
in comparison to you and me

This overwhelming warmth
deep within my  heart
Feeling so close to you
while logistically so far apart

How is it that two people
strangers of place and time
should be lucky to meet each other
through this rhythm and rhyme

How do two hearts connect
with all this interference
in this cold, cold, world
with all this indifference

I catch my breath
my heart skips a beat
silently I reflect
on the meaning of you and me

Return to Neverland

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And so I wait patiently

for I know he will return to me

I snuggle in and close my eyes

I keep my window open wide

Under my pillow I keep a kiss

for my own lost boy, whom I so miss

Hoping his shadow finds a way to my room

I find myself in dreamland soon

“Are those happy thoughts” he wants to know

I nod, so he says “then away we go”

Second star to the right, straight on ’til morning

come fly with me, my Darling

Fly with me to Neverland

where dreams are born, and time is never planned

 

Pixie Dust

dear Peter

I miss the magic

I let it slip away

I grew up

while you continued to play

I miss the magic

I just let it go

the age on my face

yes, it’s starting to show

I miss the magic

between us

you’ll be forever Peter Pan

while I’m still searching for Pixie Dust

As The World Turns

“Hello” I say into the phone, not bothering to look at caller ID.

“E-mail sucks” he almost groans.  I smile, he’s correct, I haven’t heard from him in hours.  I was getting nervous, to be honest.

I tell him as much, we chat and laugh and smile.  We are busy, we cannot stay on the phone long.  His world, my world; going one hundred miles a minute parallel to each other, intersecting on rare wonderful occasions.  The moments we live for.

I’m back to my coffee and patients, he’s back to his reports.  The world keeps turning, paying no mind to shit e-mail or moon crossed lovers who can’t go a few hours without conversation.  The world keeps mourning celebrities, abusing their own children and pampering their pets.  The world keeps advancing and falling apart at equal speed.

And me, I just want coffee, I want time with him alone, away from this world, in Neverland or on the moon, either will do.  I’m also open to other suggestions.

 

 

A Love Story ~ In The Beginning

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In the beginning

She was apprehensive, almost standoffish.  I guess he didn’t notice or didn’t care.  He had his very own agenda which had not one single thing to do with her.  Their bad attitudes just happened to collide.

In the beginning

She thought him to be ignorant, but not in the way that one is not intelligent, she knew he was intelligent.  In the way that one is new to something.  Which he was.  He was new to this world which she was so completely consumed within.  She was both bothered and endeared with his newness.  The endearment stuck.

In the beginning

She tried every one of her tricks to push him away.  He either didn’t notice or didn’t seem to care.  Her heart skipped a beat each and every time he returned.  He seemed to both notice and care because he never stayed gone for very long. This delighted her very much.  An emotion she wasn’t much accustomed to.

In the beginning

She knew they were in big trouble.